Friday, August 15, 2008

Olympic Bigotry

First, it's the Spanish basketball team stupidly using their fingers to spread apart their eyes in an effort to look Chinese. Are you guys kidding me with this shit? Ridiculous.

Then, it was their tennis team following suit with even more tasteless and unfunny 'slit-eyed' nonsense (by the way, if you're gonna do it, do it right. Don't half-ass it you lazy bums).

And finally, just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse, I see this filth:

That's it for me!

Little Gordon Ramsay

Gordon Ramsay is amazing, but this kid acting like Gordon Ramsay is even more amazing.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Advertising: Skoal

I saw this ad for Skoal (click to enlarge) a while ago but it still cracks me up. Just to state the obvious, who's dipping while jumping off a boat? The answer: no one.

More importantly - who photoshopped this ad? Not only is the perspective completely fucked, but it looks like these idiots have been horribly superimposed into a still from Lost. I'd say the most glaring thing about this masterful take on perspective is the 3 gay dudes jumping off a big-ass boat into about a foot of water. Nothing like exploding your kneecaps while choking on a big wad of Citrus Blend Skoal.

Oh yeah, and check out those gnarly waves! Good thing Kathy Ireland circa '94 brought along her board - surf's up!

Olympic Treachery

OK - so I have nothing against the Chinese, but man, if this were a nation of Pinocchios their noses would be longer than the height of their 16 year-old girls.

In addition to fudging their ages to meet Olympic requirements, the press is also calling them out on two other things: computer-generated fireworks and now this 9 year-old lip-synching during the opening ceremony. C'mon, China, c'mon.
Wait a sec - are those wires? Are you telling me she's not really flying either??

Monday, August 11, 2008

Olympic Pre-pube Essence

Um, so I'm having a hard time believing that these Chinese gymnasts are all over 16. This Deng girl in particular (pictured below) has to be 11, 12 at the most. Anyway, they're liars. And their machine-like precision frightens me to the core.

Deng that's hot!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Best Trailer Recut of All-Time: The Shining

The 80's Never Cease To Amaze Me

Why are these things not yet as prevalent as bikes? Don't we live in the future yet?

Deleted Scene: Knocked Up

Burn After Reading (Red-Band Trailer)

This is the new Joel and Ethan Coen movie scheduled to be released in mid-September. It looks great - sort of in the same vain as The Big Lebowski.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

People I Dislike: Brendan Fraser

He'll be the first one to tell you it's pronounced "Frazer." This guy sucks for a variety of reasons (his face, his real-life unwarranted arrogance, his voice, his movies) yet somehow he's managed to star in 2 pretty successful summer movies this year (The Mummy and Journey to the Center...). Seriously? How has this guy stretched a successful career out of being so completely unlikable? It seems as if no one is surprised by this phenomenon. Amazingly, people are apparently killing to see more Brendan Fraser - they were Bedazzled by his performances in The Scout, George of the Jungle, and Monkey Bone. I don't know a single person who has ever said to me, "You know what? I need more Fraser in my life" Well, there will be more Fraser in your life, because according to IMDB, he's got 4 movies lined up for 2009. Ugh.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Silent Wonder Years

The reason Kevin Arnold has blood on his shirt is because Mr. Rogers and Daniel Stern donned clown masks and went to town on him. Poor kid - he'll take that shit to the grave.

Mister Rogers Raped Me

Greatest Snowboard Video Intros From My Past

I couldn't find MDP's Stomping Grounds intro, which I will say is my all-time favorite, but I did find these other late-90's gems from my formative snowboarding years.

Melt Down Project (1995)

TB6-Carpe Diem (1995)

Subject Haakonsen (1997)

Simple Pleasures (1997)

Decade (1998)

Justice - DVNO

This video is badass because it illustrates the lyrics as corporate logos from the 80's. I particularly like the HBO homage.

Tim and Eric and Zach Galifiniakis

I put all this wicker up just for you.

Monday, August 4, 2008


Welcome to my blahhhhhhhg.