Monday, January 31, 2011

Our Car Last Saturday - Brooklyn, NY


This is before aggressively shoveling.

Album Stream: Cut Copy, Zonoscope

Go here to listen to the new album, but first you have to share on Twitter or Facebook. Out February 8th.



Fantastic cover.

New Music: Fleet Foxes, "Helplessness Blues"

Off their new album of the same name, out May 8. Fleet Foxes has a unique way of stopping listeners dead in their tracks. Great stuff.

Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues by subpop

Daze of Our Lives

Dazed and Confused summarized with a Micro Machine-caliber rap:

Friday, January 28, 2011

Weekend

HAVE FUN

The Chunder Years

I posted this when I started the blog years ago (then promptly discontinued posting for 2 years). I'm sure no one remembers, so here it is again:



Also, this mashup from Wonder Years/Rules of Attraction is amazing:

Steve...in Seagull

Every single time I've seen a close-range knife fight like this, I never know when to laugh. Now I do. Spoiler alert: the bad guy, Tommy Lee Jones, loses. Badly. You never know how it'll end with Seagal.


While we're on Seagal and Under Squeege, check out this bizarre ear rub move he pulls on 90's bombshell Erika Eleniak, whom you may remember from your childhood fantasies:

Bruce Willis Respects Himself

This is a hot cut off of Willis's 1987 classic, The Return of Bruno. If you watch the entire video it becomes increasingly difficult to do as the song urges.

Goldblum Drunk

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Jerry the Great

Bollywood Action Bero

Watch this insane action scene from the Bollywood movie, Robot. I suggest you just click around through the video, every shot is bizarrely insane (like the ball of machine gun-adorned dudes around 2:45). This movie kind of scares me. Actually, Bollywood in general kind of scares me.

Neurotic Jewish Doodle

I doodled this guy the other day, but I think his expression aptly summarizes the disposition of most New Yorkers right now. He's not only concerned about the weather, but also the state of the world today, his son Bernie, the rapidly declining quality of the pastrami at his favorite deli...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

1986 Metalheads

These people are amazing. God, I love the 80's. I really, really do.



Adrien Brody and his DC 101 shirts haven't changed a bit, huh?

90's Brooklyn Dad

This dude was frolicking in Prospect Park with his family a couple Sundays ago and I just couldn't resist. I wonder why he wasn't wearing his jester hat.





For Your Health





Taco Hell

This week it was "revealed" that Taco Bell "Beef" is not really beef but rather, taco meat filling. For some reason, people are up in arms/mortified. Did anyone really think this was 100% beef? I mean, the meat filling still has beef in it, so I honestly don't get what the big deal is. Also, it's really weird that this is now all coming to light considering thousands and thousands of people who have worked for Slaco Hell were fully aware of the Taco Meat Filling ingredients, shown here:



Anyway, whatever. I rarely eat Taco Bell, but if for some reason in the near future I find myself starving on a road trip and cruising by the place, I won't hesitate to grab a few soft tacos. Everyone knows it's terrible for you, so who gives a flying Chalupa what's in this shit?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Fatties: Fart 2

Big Momma reminds me of this sendup from Tropic Thunder:

Momma's Back!

The MOTHER of all comedies is back! It's gonna be ONE. BIG. MOTHER. Momma Mia!

Marketing missed an opportunity here: tagline should have been "Like Momma, Like Son." Either way, this is going to be "Sidesplittingly Hilarious!" - Darnell's Movie Reviews

Nicolas Face Cage

















Thanks Glovers!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Amazing Mini-Golf Shot

I don't even really understand what's happening here, but it's pretty incredible. Also incredible: "It's a GHOST BAWWL" + awful, celebratory, screeching laughter. Nothin' strange about 7-8 grown men playing mini-golf at night. Actually, probably really fun with some alcohol.

Night Surfing

Absolutely going to be the name of a JED RED song. Anyway, this is X-TREME!ly radical:

Mark Visser Rides JAWS at Night! from Fortrus Sports on Vimeo.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Weekend


HAVE FUN

The Fountain of Poop

Not sure who's seen this already but here's a news story of a woman who stupidly fell into a mall fountain while texting. Idiot. Well there are now rumors she's suing the mall. Sometimes I hate America.

Anyway, she's rightfully embarrassed (though I'm not sure how her family/coworkers/anyone she knew could possibly know from the modestly viral and fuzzy surveillance video that this was indeed her, but i digress). I love how she mentions that "a friend of mine from church...texted me." To me, that makes you seem even weirder and dumber than you already are. Also, I may be flattering her here, but doesn't she look like a real-life version of Eva Longoria? Like maybe she could have once been pretty, but instead of Hollywood magic covering her in fairy dust, age and stupidity got their grimy mitts on her?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Corporate High-Fives All Around

The Asian part isn't the funniest aspect to this. I actually just love the idea that this was a scene brought to life by two horrendous actors portraying stock businessmen sealing some sort of high-prized deal. Somehow, this clip has managed to jam in several fantastic parts in a matter of seconds: Four-eyes shaking his head with delight, the Asian dude switching the 90's "cell" from one hand to the other in order to allow maximum high-five leverage, the fact that when he brings it back to his ear his mouth is nowhere near the receiver, etc. So many questions are also left unanswered: who are they talking to? What's so funny? Why the hell are they doing important business in the middle of a city sidewalk? These are the things that keep me up at night.

Justin Blubber

Nicolas Haircage

A nice companion piece to an earlier Cage-related post that showcases classic Cage Rage (see "Nicolas Rage"). I wish this vid kept the same Clint Mansell score. Either way, the Cage truly fascinates me.

The Leo Strut













Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Faces from Oprah's Last Season







Awesome 2011 Coachella Lineup

Boogie Nights: You Got The Touch

Great scene from Boogie Nights. John C. Reilly owns it.

Ice Ice Baby

Utter destruction on one hill in Shittsburgh, PA yesterday. How about someone just close down this section of the road? No? OK then, thanks for entertaining me.



I like the balls on the driver at :15 - I'm sure it was unintentional, but I like to imagine that he dared to approach this hill with a slightly alternative, less cautious tact. Of course, he failed miserably, but it's the effort that counts, right?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Snakes in a Piece of Shit

Another terrible overdub. Monday to Friday plane?

Dub Hard 2: Dub Harder

This is the very same terrible overdub job that brought the world the infamous "Yippee Ki Yay, Mr. Falcon"

Blue Tooth Man

I trust that none of my cherished readers use a Blue Tooth headset. If you do, please do yourself a favor and...and...I don't know. Do something painful to your body.

I like these kinds of harmless pranks (if this could even be considered a prank). This guy's pretty funny too, particularly in the way he apologetically handles people's confusion as to whether or not he's speaking to them or his Blue Tooth.

Golden Probes Give You Glee & Burlesque

God I hate Glee's Lea Michele. Besides being generally awful, she looks like a cross between Gonzo, Sandra Bernhard and Snuffaluffagus. In other words, she has a huge nose and looks like a character from Sesame Street. Watch her fake crying at :09.



On a related note - Burlesque was nominated for like 10 awards. Yep! Of course, you know all about it: it's that timeless classic starring CHRISTINA AGUILERA and CHER. Are you fucking kidding me? Can you possibly find two less relevant "stars" way past their expiration date to make a piece of shit Cinderella story about a girl who defies the odds to become the burlesque dancer of her dreams? Is that anyone's goal in life, to become a depressing, degraded burlesque dancer? Here's my review: AUGHHHHUGH

Dingus (feat. B. Rock)

This song requires no explanation. Because there isn't any.

Dingus by JED RED

Actual courtroom exchange about this song:

Prosecutor (to child): "On the doll, where did this song touch you?"
Child points to doll's heart.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Weekend


HAVE FUN

JED RED: Youth in Asia



Youth in Asia by JED RED

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Palin: Up Close and Breathing

AAAHHHH! Also, an equally appropriate anagram: HAHAHAH!



Sadly, I prefer this over her words.

Horrendous Movie Ending: Student Confidential

Seriously horrendous ending to what is surely an equally atrocious movie starring...you guessed it...master thespian Marlon Fucking Jackson (you know: the most famous member of The Jackson 5). Jackson actually plays it relatively cool (albeit extremely homoerotically); really, it's Orson Welles' low-rent, doe-eyed stunt double who steals the scene with his gooey single tear and seizure inducing plaid jacket-on-turtleneck-on-beard ensemble (aside: both these guys really love shades of gray and blue).

There's a lot of awkward prolonged eye contact, unsure smiles, and nodding happening in this dung festival of a scene. Best moment is around :45.

Murray is King...pin

It's said time and time again, but Bill Murray is the greatest.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

CSI:Hammy Miami

This is probably old news for some of you, but like Dave Caruso, I don't "give a rat's ass" (I added quotes to that because the Big C's probably said that before; most likely it's what he snarls at the maitre'd in a crowded restaurant after being told he needs a reservation). I've never seen a minute of this show and I don't need to. This is all I'll ever need:

Holy Future

I've seen the future, and it is cereal. This is really cool BUT try and imagine an entire grocery aisle filled with blinking neon ink on every item.


"Seizure, Aisle 3!" Cheap, cheap joke. Such an old guy joke, yknow? Ugh. So disappointed in myself. Welcome to the future.

Calvin & Tyler Durden



C&H is the greatest comic of all time.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

JED RED

Stay tuned for a new instrumental track coming later this week:


Wayne Mulligan

So this past weekend I watched the 2009 film, An Education. Pretty good movie - my main "takeaway" (to use overblown corporate jargon) was that the star of the film, Carey Mulligan, looks a hell of a lot like Mike Myers' Wayne Campbell. No diss to Ms. Mulligan, but in this particular film, that's who she looks like. Sorry. Take a look:





On a related note, when the hell are they making Wayne's World 3? I'm not a big sequel guy but I seriously can't think of another series I'd rather see be made into a damn solid trilogy WITH the original cast (sorry, but the upcoming Ghostbusters III just isn't gonna cut it. Hope it does, but doubt it will).

Anyway, I like it when people look like other people.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Curiosity Killed the Cat

A dog takes what it wants. A peeping tomcat watches in stunned disbelief...

We Are Not Alone



The music is fantastic.

Mondays...

I feel you James. I feel you.


GIFSoup

Life is a Highway

Friday, January 7, 2011

Weekend

HAVE FUN



Best,
Smell Gibson

Faceball Fan

Well, apparently it's sports Friday. You know me and sports are like Brendan Fraser and awfulness - two peas in a pod. Watch this guy: he's a fucking maniac, the Ted Kaczynski of baseball fandom. Watch until the end, where he scampers away like a little green rodent. Also the announcer: "he's going to take his glove and ball and go home and..." And what? Erotically asphyxiate himself? Weep? Watch old reruns of Mama's Family?



Thanks Nick!

Jurassic Pork


GIFSoup

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Kool Dog

This trailer is amazing. Starts off as a fairly standard, direct-to-DVD piece of dogshit, but THEN turns into something so much better. Basically, this heap goes batshit. Like, what is going on in this movie? Also, what is going on in this trailer? Looks like the editor started in earnest with a glass of milk and halfway through started polishing off a pint of Jack and an eightball. I mean, the title card is even thrown in at the end in an "ah fuck it" kind of way. Also, pretty sure the voiceover is that homeless radio guy who's become all the rage this week.



No credit block? But who will we give the awards to??

News Bloopers = LOL 2 DA XTREME

I swear to Christ, news bloopers are NEVER not funny. If you disagree, prepare for a nice severance package (see post: "And Another Oscar Goes To...")



RAPE STATS!

Eternal Inception of the Spotless Inception

Excellent mashup of two fantastic movies:

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Self-Portrait Wednesday

Classic Sheen

Read the post title in your best Walter Matthau/Sean Connery voice and you'll be awarded with a delightful double entendre praising both Sheen and the scene itself. God, do I have to explain everything to you people?

Extra! Extra!

Yet another moment in great acting: check out the guy in the striped sweater. In his mind he was like "Keep walking, don't look, don't look...AGHHH I looked! I can't stop! Noooo!"

And Another Oscar Goes To...

Never question a shirtless McDonald's manager wielding a sword.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Face for Radio

Well folks, we're back! So 2011...moving on. Check out this homeless guy's savory radio voice. Check out his name too. Also his hair, which harkens back to 90's era Seinfeld/Richard Lewis.

Happy New Year!