Monday, February 28, 2011

Smell My Gibson

I know, I know: two Sheen-related posts in a row. Trust me, I'm as disappointed in myself about this as I am with Sheen. Anyway, remember how awful Mel Gibson is? Probably worse than Sheen. Way worse. Whatever, it's a funny picture:

So which 80's icon is next to dive into the Sheen/Gibson septic tank?

Two and a Half Men Leaked Finale

For all you Simpsons nerds, this is a hilarious interpretation of the cancellation of Poochie on the Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show episode applied to Sheen on Two and a Half Men. This is funnier than anything that has ever been said on this stinky pile of Sheen:

Dogs Recap the Oscars

Friday, February 25, 2011


And the Oscar for Best Song That Was Actually Nominated and Didn't Win but Will Hands Down Forever Be Oscar's Best Musical Performance Goes To...

The most underrated musician of our generation, Elliott Smith (RIP):

For Good Will Hunting (1997)

And the Oscar for Best Billboard Done by an Actual 2011 Oscar Nominee Goes To...


And the Oscar for Best Picture, Director, Actor, Cinematography, Adapted Screenplay, Supporting Bear, and Stupid Face Goes To...

And the Oscar for Most Retarded Jeopardy Answer Goes To...

And the Oscar for Unredeemable Self-Destruction Goes To...

Charlie Sheen:

On Major League 3: "It's being directed and written by a genius named David Ward who, I don't know, won the Academy Award at 23 for writing The Sting? [Ed. He was 29.] It was his pen and his vision that created the classic that we know today as Major League. In fact, a lot of people think the movie's called Wild Thing, as they should. Whatever … If they want me in it, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat."

And the Oscar for Best Explosion Goes To...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Paula Demon: Part Deux

Colin Girth in "The King's Splooge"

The King's Speech features a set used in an Amy Winehouse video and a gay porn. I've been trying to think of some clever thread that ties the 3 together...something about them not being able to speak right because their mouths are always filled with something? I don't know - can you please come up with something good?

Bow Down

And Another Oscar Goes To...

Keanue Sneeze:

Team Eight: Lip Dub Edit

My friend Greg started his own snowboard company called Team Eight, and it's taking over the east coast by storm. The T8 hook is that Greg hand-makes these boards based on whatever specs you provide (including whatever graphic designs you want). Check out his site here.

Anyway, he and some of his friends made this lip dub edit one fine day at Sugarloaf. Looks ridiculously fun.

T8 Ridin' Solo Lip Dub from Tim on Vimeo.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Busey Family Photo

"Merry Christmas from the Busey's!" is what this photo probably reads. I'm almost positive this is Busey's Christmas card that was sent out yesterday. Jesus H. Busey, I feel for that poor kid. I think he's looking for an escape route in this photo, and is just about ready to launch from the clutches of his surely deranged mother (who is, after all, married to Busey...and looks like him...and probably is his sister or something...)

Walmart - Falmouth, ME

Spotted this gem of a bumper sticker last weekend in my hometown. I'm pretty surpised someone made this sticker and someone actually bought it - it's neither an opinion, a symbol of loyalty/pride, or a beloved brand. It's quite shitty is what it is.

I think the accompanying illustration featured on the sticker really brings the poignancy of this slogan to life. Click to enlaaahge:

Make a wish!

Muppets Dance Thmselves Clean

LCD R.I.P. (almost)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

"That Kid is Back on the Escalator Again!"

Brody's response:

Fred Armisen is a Portland Biker

This one's for my brother Charles. From Portlandia on IFC:

Favorite Sound Effect of All Time

O, Cean!

The ocean's equivalent of blowing its brains out - because it's the Tuesday after a 3-day weekend. And because it looks sweet.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


Starting early. Have a great one.

The Art of Flight: Trailer

Snowboard filmmaking doesn't get any better than this. This shit has the potential to blow "That's It, That's All" out of the water. Watch this and be amazed at its sheer fucking awesomeness.

Cut Copy: "Need You Now" Video

I'm borderline obsessed with this album, so I'm pretty happy they made a great video to accompany the album's opening track. This shit is right up my alley. It's zany. I'm calling that Cut Copy is going to EXPLODE this year. They're going to have the same year Phoenix had in 2009.

Cut Copy - Need You Now (Stereogum Premiere) from stereogum on Vimeo.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Raped by Comedy

Ratty Shirtless Cali Slacker Dude Laughing While Giving You the Finger For Some Reason

Featuring 70's feathered hair and a shaka. And six fingers...whooooops.

Urethra Slide

This is a great way to teach kids where babies come from.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Terrifying Toy CommOHMYGOD

Return of the Egypt

So this is obviously a few days old, but hey, if you want the latest news, go stare into Anderson Cooper's icy cold irises and feel yourself getting swept up in the latest whatever-the-hell-is-going-on-in-this-god-forsaken-planet-probably-something-awful-in-the-middle-east-why-can't-these-people-ever-just-stop-throwing-rocks-for-two-seconds-and-go-watch-Magnum-P.I.-or-something-because-that's-probably-the-latest-show-on-TV-there. Anyway, this is footage of Egypt's celebration following Mubarek's stepping-down on Friday intercut with the final celebratory sequence from Return of the Yeti.

On a related note, Return of the Jedi was by far my favorite Star Wars movie growing up; however, in recent years I've had trouble coming to grips with the fact that the Ewoks could possibly defeat coldblooded (albeit really stupid) Stormtroopers. With rocks. And sticks.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Emo Dog

Today in Holy Shit News: Download Radiohead's New Album This Saturday

Again, holy shit. For more info, including actual physical release, go to Pitchfork.

Between this, The Strokes, and Arcade Fire winning a Grammy (whatever that's worth)...2011 is looking good.

Friday, February 11, 2011


Thursday, February 10, 2011

For Your Height Only

This was an actual movie made in 1981. Pretty sure I was actually conceived after an opening-night screening. This won 3 Oscars.* And you thought today's movies suck (looking in your direction Big Momma)!

*Ed Note - FYHO actually won 6 awards, including Best Picture (of a Midget on a Jetpack)

Censor the Sensor

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Here's my illustration of the obnoxiously loud and whiney-voiced troll that sits a few cubes away from me.

Skeevis and Scuttlehead

I used to loooove this video and song. I still love Beavis and Butthead and can't wait for their return this summer; however, I'm a little concerned as to what videos they'll even be watching. The days of butt rock and grunge are long gone, now replaced by Bieber pop. I suppose them watching Bieber and co. will be a funny juxtaposition, but I do hope they continue to rock out (and not to the likes of nu-metal/screamo garbage). How will B & B accomodate this culture shift? We shall see.

Anyway, Butthead's hushed golf commentating voice is perfect:

I wonder what Todd is up to these days...

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Strokes: Under Cover of Darkness

Is it 2002 again (albeit with more harmonies and melancholy)?? Classic Strokes can do no wrong:

The Strokes - Under Cover Of Darkness by thebluewalrus

Stroke Me! Stroke Me!

One of my all-time favorite bands, Johnny Dingus and The Fungal Twins, have just released their first single off their 4th LP, Angles. Download "Under Cover of Darkness" here (I have yet to listen to it):

Great Moments in Bad Acting: Tough Guys Don't Dance

This is just terrible acting - and from a well-known actor no less. I mean, if you consider Ryan O'Neal well-known, I actually consider him to be quite cheap and a phony. But whatever, he was a professional actor and he sucked at it. That's what matters.

The Dink's Speech

Here's a compilation of weird moments/catchphrases expelled from some gasbag motivational speaker, who works for the world-renowned MarkerMan Productions (Ed. note - not world-renowned). This company is run by Jody and Kathy Victor, who I'm gonna go ahead and assume are a weird lesbian couple.

THE SUPER BOWL OF LIFE! from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

I also noticed the podium says Yager, which I tried looking up to no avail (ok, one Google search then I lost interest). I did, however, find a picture of Dexter and Birdie Yager, a spirited older couple who I'd like to imagine are responsible for said podium. Pretty sure they're into weird things - "Freedom Crusaders?" Yikes. Sucks that the word "Freedom" is now synonymous with "Religious Fundamentalism." Anwyay, let's spread a rumor: Dex is having an affair.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Lick Bill (REMIX)

As you've been hearing since 1994, QT is the ultimate post-modern director: he uses various elements from preexisting works of art and repurposes them within his own movies. Here are his influences/iconic moments from Kill Bill explained. Pretty cool:

Everything Is A Remix: KILL BILL from on Vimeo.

Funny that he was inspired by Gone in 60 Seconds (CAGE!). That movie just sucks.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Schlock Eyed Puh-LEASE

United We Stand.

Average Faces? Not So Much

Faces of women from each culture/race are put together to make an "average" face. 90-95% of the world's inhabitants are unattractive by my standards, yet every one of these faces is attractive (OK not every one, but most). We've all been abroad and I can't say I saw even one face that looked as good as most of these women. One could argue that a composite image smooths out imperfections by removing blemishes and creating symmetry - but come on, these are "average" faces? I think "ideal" is a better word here.

So how 'bout that Super Bowl? Moving on.

Friday, February 4, 2011


January's Idiots

What is Internet?

This is amazing. Not sure if this was actually on-air or not, but I really think it was. If so...well done journalists. Way to do a little research and prep-work, a.k.a. journalism, before you go on NATIONAL TV TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING. This brilliant trio literally spends 2 minutes looking and acting horrendously confused about what the hell this whole "internet" thing is. @ = about, right? WHO KNOWS??? Take a look:

Also, Bryant Gumbel just sucks. And when was Kristen Wiig a co-host?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Nicolas Cage's Fifth

Add this one to the Nic Cage pantheon. Honestly, I don't know why I keep tagging Cage-related posts with 'Actors.' The only tag one ever needs is simply, "Nicolas Cage." This is just...just...well done, whoever you are...

Grab a Hot One

His lack of acknowledgment makes it more awkward.

Oodles of Doodles

Here are more doodles from my work notebook. The one guy looks like Jason Segal. It's so true that no one appreciates great art until the artist dies.


From Monday's storm:

The best YouTube comment is: "Holy crap the one is standing vertically." Good observation.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


This is just stupid. Them for doing. Me for posting. You for laughing.

extreme animated gif

You Know Who's Cheap?

This guy.

Groundhog Day


The NHL siren video reminded of this video, which is actually 100x funnier. I assume most of you enjoyed this years ago, but it will seriously never not be funny, so just sit back, relax, and try not to make your co-workers feel uncomfortable when they see restrained tears of laughter pouring down your bloated red face.

NHL Siren & Beer Yelling

This is the only bit of any NHL game I've watched in the last, oh...5 years? 10? I don't know. This slo-mo siren crank is worth a season's entertainment value, no?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Wilhelm Scream

The Wilhelm scream is most famously associated with Star Wars; however, its origins actually go all the way back to the 1951 movie, Distant Drums (not featured in the video for some reason). Check out a compilation of the famous stock scream featured in a wide range of classic films:

Hollywood is lazy.

On a related note, check out this sultry James Blake tune, "The Wilhelm Scream:"

Wilhelms Scream by waveofsounds

Keith Urban Renewal Program

Look at this guy. Look. Isn't it ironic that a 43 year-old dandy sporting feathery highlights on a windswept 'do not fit for a self-respecting teenager has a fanbase of conservative, God-fearing, homophobic rednecks? Dontcha think? I bet you could watch a 2-hour episode of Dancing with the Stars and plow through a couple bags of Funyuns in the time it takes this clown to get ready every morning. Seriously, look again at this fucking guy. Nice sweater by the way, asshole.

Do You Remember: Orlando Jones

Not like I miss him or anything, but he was a brief shining star at the turn of the Millenium ("Millenium" is gross). Maybe it was too much of a good thing. Other popular things I hope get "Orlandoed:" Jersey Shore, eTrade Babies, uh Keith Urban and his fucking retarded, I'll think of more things later...